Performing contradictions: phrases

“If you call me a bully again, I’ll hit you!”
“If you don’t like my accusing you, you must be guilty.”
”If you don’t do what I tell you, I’ll show you who’s boss.”
”How dare you be so anxious/depressed; We’ll show you.”
”Those who despair for lack of faith are the truly damned.”
”Stop questioning what I say, I’m asking the questions here!”
”You say ‘God only knows’, so you admit there’s a God.”
”Don’t you dare call me a b…., you who can’t even tie his shoelaces.”
”If anyone here fucks with me, I’ll fuck them so no one can.” 
”If you don’t want it, why do you talk about it, it must be you really do.”
”It makes me so angry how you get angry.”
”If you don’t want my attention, why do you dress so nice?”
”Evil is the work of those who believe in evil.”