"Advertisement for psychological services that treat the problem of evil"

"Are you a narcissist?" Psychologists tell you the truth about you.

Do you think you are important? Well, you're not.

Do you have a sense of entitlement, thinking that you ought to get the things in life that you want, or anything at all for that matter? Well, you don't.

In fact, narcissists are exploitative, unpleasant, evil people. If you are unhappy in life, you are probably one of these bad people.

See, bad things happen because of bad people. Evil is caused by -- evil. This is the important thing to understand. Psychology now has discovered that most evil is done by evil people because they are selfish. It has been called other names, like hubris, pride, and sin, including original sin. Well, we think bad things originate with bad people; sin is caused by sinners. (Nasty scum they are!). Now psychologists have gotten to the bottom of the evil and found a final solution to the problem. There are diagnostic categories and identifiable syndromes caused by bad wiring in the brain. But of course in a functional, actionable way, it is people themselves who must be helped. And this is what we are here to help you with.

Here at FIx You up for Good, Inc., we have a record of success teaching our clients that:

Instead of pursuing your desires, interests, or pleasures--let's say through an art form of some kind--you need to understand that whatever problems you have in life are problems about you. You are not a good person. Face it. So you had better change yourself. Or disappear. Act now before it's too late. This offer is only good until your personal product expiration date, and while God only knows when that could be, it could be a moment away. Call 1-800-It-Sucks, now. Our operators, who are ready to get to work fixing you up, are standing by.

Don't let this make you nervous. Yes, we know: it is terrifying. And you feel very nervous, desperate perhaps, even terrified. We understand. This is how things are today, but something can be done.

Don’t be taken in by the false promises of gimmicks like psychoanalysis, which wrongly invite people with problems to explore their own thinking. Narcissists often believe that what they think is important, but it usually isn’t. What matters is what people find themselves doing. If your behavior is dysfunctional, it must be fixed. Why wait until it falls apart of its own accord in a break-down? We tell you what you need to know, and do, right away, and that’s what matters. Our methods get results and are based on evidence of what does and does not.

Or do you have a narcissist in your life? That is, a malignant person? Well, our specialists know about bad persons. We work closely with hospitals and police. We have a range of therapies and spiritualities to choose from. Call us before the Fucker does you more damage. We'll get the fucker and fix him or her up good, and we've got affordable payment plans.