Harassment

"My fundamental experience of American society is one of harassment. I have experienced this all my life, beginning in my childhood with bullies, including in my family, and including what often seems like a majority of encounters with strangers, including people of all social classes and minority 'types'.

As a poor white student living in a sort of student ghetto, the police were a constant problem, and some of their were full of hatred for the 'assholes' that people like me presumably were. People who are out to do good would tag me as 'mentally ill', though I never learned why, it was just the presumptive thing for many people if they notice you, and I have found doctors still do that, and again for no discernible reason other than some vague sense that I seem to them abnormal or to have said something that is. If the doctors get hold of you, before or after taking you to the sick house, what they do is more harassment. They play a game where they try to mind-fuck you, manipulating you in transparent ways to let you know they think you're stupid. They have lockup places that are devoted to harassment, theirs being verbal and the thugs who run the place often turning violent.

I also would point out that the Jew/gentile divide means little in this respect, as the black/white one does; these and other social differences only result in differences of style. Women differ from men in being more convinced of the apparent causes justifying their contemptuousness. Black people are often sure I'm one of their oppressors who hates them, though I have never hated anyone who hasn't already seemed to fuck me over somehow. Protestant Christians of the Progressive type may want to invent a diagnostic way of pressuring me into some secular conversion, hoping to cure me of, what, alcoholism if that suits them, or maybe a default of the new form of Power of Positive Thinking. Obviously Jewish women of a certain age who may be wandering post-nest-deprivation generic mommas looking for substitute sons to pick on will, if they surmise that I'm one of their flock, volunteer themselves, bless them, for giving me a run-down on my lapsed ethical duties, giving me an instant lesson or reminder of what I'm supposed to do that, obviously, I'm not doing. I'm always amused when someone comes up to me, apparently seeing me having 'font la geule', to tell me what's what. People in the art world may see me as one of the losers they tolerate, which is fair enough.

They all want to teach me a lesson. Apparently, I look like a misfit, and stick out as such. Something must really be wrong with this dude. Et qu'est-ce que c'est? But the answer to that question doesn't matter, it's rhetorical. The point of rhetoric often is to hold up the mirror to one's culture as if to say, but why aren't you normal? And maybe adding: If you look abnormal again, we'll really fuck with you.

Maybe there's someplace you can go, or something you can do, or find out what to be, there's dirt under your nails, did you not make your bed say your prayers straighten up give a solid handshake get a grip and show a stiff upper smile or maybe you're just a loser goodbye asshole because that's why we're gonna keep fucking with you until you get it right and stop being an asshole and just do it shut up clean up your shit pay your debt go back to work pick up your own straw aren't you on some medication besides it's all just this don't you see it's all that thing if they're Jews they'll say it's all antisemitism but god knows it could be all just something else as long as its all just something I told you he was mentally ill if you fuck with me again asshole I'll really fuck you asshole and then you'll be sorry alright so you get it alright we're cool so get back to work straw man will you pick it up.

And I figured out how things work in America. It's about business, which is about getting things done. Never say anything about anything, it's either just bullshit or it's irrelevant even if it's true because the only thing here to know is do what you're told and just do it. That's my America."